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Let’s be honest, when was the last time you switched everything off (even your phone) you locked yourself in the bedroom and reconnected with your body alone, without any distractions? Let me guess, you can’t even remember yourself. We live in a super fast paced environment, which surely slowed down a bit during the first waves of the pandemic but somehow it did not have an affect on every area of life.

In terms of dating and love life, I call this the era of ‘disposable love’. Somehow we are less and less able to form meaningful connections in our romantic relationships and we have a constant need for stimulation, a need to find novelty, excitement and thus satisfy ourselves. Only to realise the satisfaction never comes and we are put into a vicious circle of never ending disappointments.

You have all the right to ask, is there anything you could do, even on a personal level to improve your relationships, to be more mindful of your body to be able to connect with your inner self?

I think it all starts with slowing down and sometimes starting from the top. If you think back what we’ve been thought on those very few biology lessons about the human reproductive system and how to have safe sex there is no wonder why we have no clue what we like. Of course we all watched porn at some stage but I wouldn’t call that sex education.

So let’s imagine, you are alone in a poorly lit room with zero technology, only yourself, your body, your senses and maybe a few toys to make the experiment complex.

Do not jump straight into deep water, it’s all about the way up there and not the destination. Why do we expect some random guy to know where and how to caress our bodies when we don’t even know how we like it. Start with your erogenous zones, your mouth, the nape and the back of your neck along with your ears, breasts, nipples and inner thighs. Have fun with them, ask yourself how does it feel, what do you feel exactly? Try not to let your thoughts wonder around too much, use your senses to direct them back to the present moment. See how firm you like to squeeze your breast, play around with different motions and pressures. You can use feather or some kind of a light material on your skin like silk, it will take it to the next level.

When you feel ready to jump onto your genitals, try to approach it differently this time. If you would normally start on your clit try to move your fingers somewhere else. Discover the area again, like it’s your first time down there. It’s a great opportunity to introduce new sex toys to your routine or use the existing ones in a different manner.


Remember it’s all about taking it slow and being mindful the whole time. Maybe you won’t get to the orgasm the first time but that’s not even our goal. While it’s the cherry on top we are there to reconnect with our senses again and to enjoy the road what takes us to the top. Be mindful of what makes you moan, what makes you bite your lips or even scream. It is about knowing your body from the inside out.


Sometimes we think we like things or what’s worse, we are pressured into trying things which are ‘hot’ right now and we mistake pain with pleasure. The whole goal of this self-rediscovery is to identify these feelings and sensations and introduce them to our sex life.

It’s a beautiful road, be patient with yourself and don’t take it too seriously, at the end of the day it is to have fun, just a better, bigger and updated fun😈

Lilly 💖